I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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