So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
