The maid of honor just puked.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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