that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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