You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
