Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
