Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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