it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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