It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
