She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
