is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I currently don't understand fingers.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
