dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
