now i know why i became what i already was.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
