I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
