Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
