He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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