I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize