just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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