drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
