Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You are a genius and a whore.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
