I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize