I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
