and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
