You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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