Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
