I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Will you blow on my dice?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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