I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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