Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize