Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
zippers are such a cool invention
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
