And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize