that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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