is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
