If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you traded sex for a burrito?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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