dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
