so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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