Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
