She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
