shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
