I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
