There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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