speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
