I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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