dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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