Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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