At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was confusing and full of hummus
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
