her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my shit smells like andre
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
