i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He shit in the fireplace
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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