It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
