i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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