I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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