Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
