If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Come on in and take your pants off
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