I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
