omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
