Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
