Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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