This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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