You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
