I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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