is your mom at the bar?
I'm really into asian looking animals
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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