Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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