At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
