You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
