Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
