He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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