If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
