she woke up with a sticky ear
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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