Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
